Complicated Destruction

Hey people! x]

Garrrr, Well I got myself stuck in this mess, even after I run in fear of my life, I'm braught back to the daunting memories and thoughts that I once locked away in my head :/ For some reason I feel as if I shouldn't really be doing anything right now, But I am... Thinking of a way to sort this mess out...

Hmmmmm... I'm not so naive, I have Conor and others, Family etc to live for, but at the same time I don't know if I could stand back and watch this mess unfold. I know that I have alot of self control, but Sebby doesn't. :/ Sometimes I wish that I really don't have to be involved with such hate filled intentions :/

First of all, On the good part of my blog... I've figured something out last night, and then told Conor this morning after I had the pleasure of being rudley awakened... Whilst being less then half dressed xD ...

"A heart filled with Hated, Greed, Lust and power is something not worth fighting for... But a hear filled with love, compasion, care and light is something worth dieing for".

I know that when it comes to situations, some people cannot forgive. I know this I've been through this countless of times, Andrei being one of those times. But still I have learnt that those people who are swallowed up by their lust and hatred are really the victims here. When someone is taken in by such daunting emotions, they become un-aware of the damage they cause everyone around them. And for that single reason is why I try my hardest not to act on behalf of my dark emotions.

At this moment in time, I'm still unaware of what to do concerning this "Hurtful" situation. Personally I don't see what this is all about, I really do not have anything against this guy. Infact trueth be told I thought he was vair cool. I actually can remember helping him out with some "girl" (Kay) problems back in school. I'm nothing but nice to people unless they give me a decent enough reason to stop that pleasentry, Which doesn't happen often.
I've found that people are now starting to talk about me as if I'm some "Big mean Wolf"... But it's really not the case. I would only use what I know and have learnt if there is simply no other way... And in this kind of situation, is it really so criminal to steal someones hate?

"Love is an illusion of hate". Thinking on that logic then all I'd have to do is alter a few things, to drownd that hate in something light, Like love. However some peoples ethics on "Brainwashing" are so stubborn ;D But I see their point, even I only consider it if there is simply no other way.

So I'll leave on this note.

When an avenger acts on their hate, it scars the people around them. And believe me, I put people ahead of myself... So I would try my hardest not to let that happen. Mainly as hurting the people around me would be hurting me directly. Just ask Conor :P

Anywho, I'm now sick of thinking about this...
Byee xx

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Just one of those days...

Hey people.

I supose it's just been a few of them "Fuck it" kinda days. I really cannot be bothered to try please other people that don't appreciate or return the effort. To be honest, I am really thinking alot now. I'm listening to ...

Evanescence - The last song I'm wasting on you (8)

"Demanding my responce, Don't bother breaking the door down, I've found my way out, and you'll never hurt me again..." :/ True lyrics, Now I'm over things like this, I supose I can't be hurt. Expecially through something so meaningless like Love.

"Love is nothing more then an illusion of hate..."

Ooooooh yeah, I just found out something which has actually made me very excited, Someone wanting to hurt me. I think that I really shouldn't rise to it... But really, This person knows what I'm capable of, Not physically, but mentally :)

Hmmmmmm, What would you do if everything that you've loved is melting away. Somehow when I try to make things better, they end up worse. So what if I give in trying all together? I know that I wont get anything in return because people are really all the same. They're only a few people I know that don't act like true humans. And that's the way I like it, People who have supassed the need to act human, people who think what other people cannot...

I'm listening to Evanescence - You (8) now...

"The words have been drained from this pencil,S weet words that I want to give you, And I can't sleep, I need to tell you... Goodnight. When we're together I feel perfect, When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart. What ever you say is sacred to me, You're eyes are so blue, I can't look away..." :/

I really shouldn't listen to such depressing songs... But when it's all you've got, you find it hard to strip away from the depression and the hurt. When it's all you have left to hold on to, You suffer from it. You drownd yourself in it. And even when you have people to help you through it... You still hold onto the hurt. Because its the only thing that you have left from those people...

Hmmmm, Time for me to go now :P

Scotty <3

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A Happy time

Hey people!

So if you have read my facebook, or know something that's happened recently. I'm currently extremely happy... However there is only two ends to this mess. Me being happy, Utterly and truly happy ... Or me being worse then I am now. And to people who know how I am... It's something that I wanna avoid at all costs, because the risks are getting higher and higher. And after everything I've been through and still am going through, Don't you all agree I should be happy for once? :/

Haha, I'm listening to "Love story - The Scence Asthetics". And it's raining outside, it always rains when I'm in these kinda situations... I've noticed that, But I love the rain. It's cold, and wet ;P And it always seems to clear my head, like the rain washes the bad outta my body. Neat aye ? :)

Scotty <3

(Y) Happiness at last :D

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An Unrelated Story

Hey Guys!

:L Haha, Like I said, More regulary. Bleh, The past few days have been very bleh! Somethings have really been getting me down, but I really haven't been able to bring it up with anyone,a ccept last night. I swear to god I am never drinking vodka again D;

Last night I saw my favourite star light up the sky, it went supernova :( Meaning it could die :'( And tbh it is such an unrelated story, but it really has brought up some things ;/ Which is kinda weird, but thena gain when have I ever been normal HAHAA! The same old story really, you know the story... The one where the blonde boy has to suffer heart break and no matter how much he grows stronger or smarter nothing ever changes. The poor blonde boy ends up finding someone who he thinks can get him through this nightmaric life, and past mistakes... But unfortunatly the blonde boy gets hurt even more... and it continues like this untill the poor blonde boy ends up cold and gray. ;/

You know the story by now :) And even though scenes and characters change, the story remains the same, no matter how much it'd mean to poor blonde boy, not even if it could save his life. Make him normal, give him the strength to make himself not-insane anylonger, but it doesn't happen. Every time ;/

Hmmm, And then all blonde boy's friends just tell him she'he will come along and take me outta his nightmare, but unfortunatly blonde boy only has untill he's 17 to find somebody. Poor blonde boy isn't too happy. But when has he ever been ? ;(

Love Scotty <3

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A tough time

Hey guys, Long time no speak! D:

Don't worry, I'm planning on writing every two days :) So you'll always be updated, I've fallen outta rythme with things, That's really bad. So this season is going to be more of a rant.

Those of you that know me, Also know that these past months and years have been really hard to cope with, and even if you didn't know what happened. You've probably been told a few things about me...

To be honest, the worst things at the moment is me keeping my head in check, I'm starting to feel unstable and again, and are just looking for a way to let out my feelings, and I forgot all about my blog, that's what I made it for in the first place x]

To start off with, why can't things ever be simple for me. As soon as I EVER! get a taste of happiness, it always turns into dust only a few minutes or hours later, why can't anything stay still in my life. Because let's face it, if me and this certain person did continue seeing each other after my birthday, then it would have been better for both of us. But it's the story of my life to be fair, i'll always be unhappy because people don't see happiness within me.

Another thing that's annoyed me, I know that I can help out considerably with my friends problems... Mainly as I give good advice, based on the fact that I've probably been there and done that. Although ohelping other people out with their problems is a distraction to my own, Who can I go to with my problems? ... A good friend along time ago said I needed someone like myself to complete the cycle, but after much thought. I realised that I just need someone who will always be there for me, and that when they say that it's not just false words, they'd mean it. And to be honest I do, Conor, Megan and Kimmy, Luke, Laurie, Chloe and some more are really there for me, and I didn't quite know how much they cared. Even some of my old school friends, Lora and Louise care considerably about me. Even people who i'm distant to because they're always traveling like Laura Heard and them, They do care for me. And I didn't know about it untill tonight, and I'd like to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you that care for me, and it would be muchly appreciated if you could tell me please :)

Yes I have a new msn, And I don't mind being spammed on it ;D
:: Va-Scot-A-Raptor@hotmail.co.uk

So thats it on my update, Thankyou everbody.
I'll update soon, Every two days...
I promise.
Thankyou <3

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Time away

Hmmm, Hey people.

Sorry I have not spoke in a while, alot of things have gone off and I needed some time away from all the bad memories in both real life and on the internet. :L If you know me it's a very obvious reason. :)

Sometimes I wished that things would have come back to how they were. But no, I always have to hold back even with my friends, I can never say what I want, when I want. I can't do what I need to do to be happy because I have friends, family and now an underling. :)

So I wanna talk about some new people, Well not new, Just people I'd never thought of talking to or about from normal.

Conor : The nicest guy you could ever meet. And I'm being serious, he's helped me so much in just a few weeks that I've known him, He is kinda alot like me, Even now since I'm teaching him :P I hope he grows and blooms into a decent bloke, he deserves it.
Kimmy : Kimmmyyyy (L) I love her, she is literally like a sister to me, Mainly as we both have blonde hair and blue eyes. And she looks after me, Like I to her. Especially cause we're known as the "Tesco Stalkers" after or staling adventures over guys and girls in there :P
Jade : What can I say about her, She's awesome, always round at my house to rave with me and have a right laugh. She really does cheer me up, You all do x] I wish you the best with Chris (L)

Hmmmm, Alot of other things have gone off too in the past few weeks. I've fallen out, Or pushed away from alot of people that only want me for somethin of there desire. And other things that have gone off that are just too painful to stay around...

Lora, Andrei ETC... I really cba to mention anymore ;P

Okay, I'll be writing alot more recently, Promise (L)

Scotty <3

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Second Chances

Hey guys!

I guess it's another one of those night. Lately i've been in a state of confusion and upset. =/ I wish I could some answers from this whole thing, but strangley i'm not, or there are no answers which personally I believe over my other theory.

Okay, This is me and Lora >>>>>>
And although we haven't had such good times lately, I recon that this is all too confusing for me to understand. No, comprehending it would be an easy concept if it was said properly. Though I'm kind of irritated, she is still one of my best friends, and although things aren't clear yet, we'll find a way to break through the structures of the people around us. That way we'll be able to talk with clear heads, and maybe this time they'll be no blood shed. =/

However, saying that... I admit she does have some right to be irritated, if not angry with me. I can see that now, after all I've spent the last few nights looking from the inside out, so I think I can start to see things clearly for what they are. If not, I'm still weak from the illness. But let me assure everyone, when I make a promise, they're always kept, and if people don't know that then people don't know me.

On the other hand, I've always found it irritating when people think they know me when actually they know nothing about me. Sometimes the masks people you see are put there for people to notice, and be tricked into a false confidence about that other person. But how can you read someone with twenty-seven masks? ... And only one true person.

You can't, Not properly.

Hmmmm, that's all I can say from the irritated side of me...

Ohhhh!
Another thing, the party the other night I can't remember, I think I drank too much x]

For the time being, healing is the biggest part of my worries, to the hell for everyone else right now, Now is the time to focus on me. And for the first time in my life, I'll have to do it.

Scotty <3

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