Heartbreak and loss...

Hey guys :/

The thing is about heartbreak is that it's always changing, always shifting its forms to hurt other people. It's something that cannot be seen, something that can be felt and always something that has meaning. Somepeople don't know what it's like, But the truth is I do.

I've spent 2/3 years of my lief in constant hope and love to this one person. All she ever did was turn me away, say that it's her fault, when the fact is I wasn't strong enough for her, so I decided to change... Get stronger, always hoping that one day I could stand beside her, and not behind her like always. Even now I'll remember her face, the way that her hair swung around down to her neck and her lovely shoulders. What I'm getting at is, it hurts like nothing else. Like you should have the heart to say something, but all that comes out is blank misunderstood words. It's like someone took the fire from the sun, it's unbareable...

You could spend your whole existence mourning over the loss of someone or something, but it isn't going to change the fact that they're gone. I've waited my time... Training... Gaining strength, And I feel I'm strong enough to take on such a 'Heavy Burden'.

I live my life through Agape 'Love' and it's shown me that hate and remorse are emotions that just make things worse. They can lead people to do stupid and malicious things... But we're all human at the end of the day.

What I'm saying is. I've tried my hardest to be strong and to be able to carry you through anything, Give me the chance to and I can show you that... :/ I've waited my time, Now it's time to let the past be the past, and let me show you the result of my training and work.

Ilu, Don't you ever forget it.
Scotty <3

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Out with the old, In with the new!

Hey all :)

Okay, So I decided to change the colours of a few things... Got bored of the red, starting to dislike it. I dislike the colour Red, the colour of anger and hatred... Bleh, so I went with my favourite colour Green, the colour of nature and calmness :D

God, I've had an immense weekend :) I wouldn't of changed anything...

Friday night:
Basically met with Luke Hart and Ryse Blant, went to Laurie's but she wasn't in she was uptown. Went to take Luke home and ran into Kimmy, had a lovely chat. Luke went home and then we waited for Kim's bus home, when we ran into Conor Brooks ;D T'was a lovely chat, aint seen him in some time, should be seeing him next week cause he owes me ;D
Went to meet Jade, James and Charlotte nest down at Co-Op, god I wasn't in such a good mood then... Got dragged to talk to Jade&James, t'wasn't what I wanted or needed, eitherway... Ended up in me blacking out, stumbling to the park and then smoking. James ran off, so I went to chase him, jumped over a hedge thing and then bruised my hip D; Then ran into Laurie&Tash. They came out with us for abit, after messing around on a park for a few hours, we decided go to Jades house, where stuff cracked off that really isn't my place to say :/

Vair Early Saturday Morning:
Originally Ryse was staying at mine, but due to a few bad experiences with people down near my end, we decided to take a taxi back to Clifton to Ryse's house and stay there. This was at what... 4am ? ;D On a taxi to nottingham LOL! After getting to Ryse's house, we had a few drinks, a few fags then fell asleep about 9am :D

Saturday Afternoon:
We got into Nottingham town about 2pm after getting ours selves sorted. We met Laurie&Tash&Jade&Charlotte in the top floor of Subway haha :DWe walked around town for abit, went for something to eat, then I ran into my best friend DOODLE (Boobs) ;D So I went around with them for about an hour and then got back with the others. T'was dead funny cause I miss her so much and I really wanted to see her, and where else? Outside of Pulp ;D

Saturday Evening:
After getting back to Ilkeston for about Half 6, Laurie&Tash&Jade*Me decided to go watch NewMoon, so we did our hair and got something to eat at my house, then went to watch it up at Le Scala, and it was AMAZING, Still not as good as the book, but I don't think it will ever be. I ended up crying twice D; HAHAHA, Jade fell asleep half way through ;D After the film, I met an old friend outside, Azy (Y) Spoke to him, Decided I needed some sleep, go in and drifted away :)

Yeah, I had a REALLY busy weekend but it was all EPIC! Untill today, when I got nothing to do really...

Lol, I got nothing really planned for next week either, except meeting Lora&Jess (Lora's new College Friendy) but I need to bring someone, so I'll find a date ;)

WoopWoop, Untill next time...
<3scotty<3

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Honestly nothing else...

Hey peeps ;L

God, I'm starting to hate all these situations cracking off at once. I've been stuck in the house for two fucking days now, and have been going out of my mind insane just because I haven't heard from someone... And then like today you get told so many things about that person, It really is gonna drive me the FUCK insane.

Honestly, What does it have to take for me to talk to that him, or even ring him... :/
FFS.
Actually, I'm gonna try and ring him now ;)

UGH!
All it keeps saying is that annoying fucking voice, 'Sorry it's not been possible to connect your call... Please try again later' FFS!!!

I swear if he don't come on msn tonight, or even facebook I will end up walking to his house in the middle of the night... Actually that'd be rather funny!

Anywho, I'll write tomorrow, Sorry for being angry...
<3 Scotty <3

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A Poem For A Special Person...

Hey all!

As i've been in such a good mood about something, or should I say someone... I decided to get creative and write a poem to express my feelings untill I say that person again ;)

For you <3

The world can be a dark and lonely road,
When you go at it alone,
I feel i'm in super strength mode,
Evertime that you phone,
It's not the feelings that I hide inside,
But the words that we abide,
And whatever it is that we share,
I know that I will still care,
Too much to stop right now,
But if you will let me allow,
Myself into your head,
Then words that are left unsaid,
Will be the strongest of all...


I've really had such a good week, me and lora are finally talking and getting along like best friends again. Even though we both really don't deserve it ;) I've met some wonderful people like Charlotte and plenty more, and i've really enjoyed myself. Last night was one of the best nights of my life, not because I hosted a party/booze up ;) But because I got to spend sometime with someone i really like, and for me that doesn't come around often. Although everything seems to be going fine, I still have many doubts and worries if this will continue, mainly I don't know what interferences we shall experience. Kinda like a plane with turbulence ;D

♫You Me At Six - If You Run ♫

♫They say that problems come, Come in pairs and I am number one, So take a look at your friends, Envy is a terrible thing♫

For a change I decided to go made on the colours tonight ;) Mwhahahahahahaaa.

Scotty <3

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A Pheonix creation

Hey people!

God it's been ages.

So lets start off with the bad for a change. Well the past few weeks/months have been real tough. With friends coming and going, people twisting things and all other choas going around. Stupid depression meetings and other shit but I think it's coming to an end. My goals in sight and I want it :)

Onto the better, I've really had a chance to sit down with myself, think and work out who I am. And I've come to realise my true friends think I'm so strong I could battle anything, My hearts so big it could cuddle millions and that i'm better then falling back down when the goings get tough.

I owe alot of credit to :

Laurie Smith.
Jade Fenton.
Sasha -Something-.
Kursty Booth.
Jade Mcqueen.
James Cross.
Jack Andrews.
Doodle.
Lora 'Vampy' Corser.
Jodie 'The Sex Maniac' Spall.
And Louise 'Loueth' Braddley.
And the rest that have kept me going, From the bottom of my heart I thankyou.

I'm currently waiting for my damn guitar to get here, Stupid Parcel Force!!! D;

Anyway, I'll write soon, Take care and ty.
Scotty
<3

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